1) Why haven't I blogged in 6 days when I have had the time to?
2) Why do I keep spending when I know I need to put some back?
3)Why can't I ever truly be happy at Eastgate?
4) Why can't I just be patient with the Life God will have for me?
-So many questions...These last few days (last weekend til...yesterday) have been really rough. Had a crew member get in my face on Saturday and ranted for 20 minutes...(he lost his job of course), then again another crew member tried to give me some flack for trying to enforce a policy that is so stupid, there's no reason NOT to follow it. (microwaving the roastburgers for 7 seconds before serving...seriously?? this is what you want to talk back to me about?) So many days, I hate it there....I hate Lima people (most of them), I hate the way the customers treat me, I hate that the bad customers ruin me for the good customers. I hate that my subordinates don't just accept what I say to them, they are always backtalking me, questioning me, and overall, just never seem to listen to me. I hate always being the bad guy. I hate that it seems like I have no one to joke around there with, no one to talk with, no one to enjoy the day with, no one that cuts me any slack.
-I've become that guy...you know that guy...the manager at the food place that takes his job way too seriously, the guy who no one likes working with, the guy who seems to always be getting into petty arguments with someone. I hate myself when I'm there....I hate who I am when I'm there. I hate that I miss Bluffton a bit. I hate that I miss it a lot. I hate that I feel like I may be trapped in this field forever...I hate that every day; I hate...period. I hate that I think my boss is an idiot, I hate that I may be right. I hate that my boss won't get me out of there despite MANY transfer requests. I hate everything about that place. I hate that it makes me shake when I'm there, I hate that my hair is falling out because of that place. I hate that it seems to always interfere with my life. I hate that I hate it...I just...hate it.
- that felt really good to write...but what can I do to improve it? I could leave! the next job opportunity that's promising, I am...I can't be there anymore...Eastgate did exactly what John said it would do to me. Break me down, so he could mold me back up...but no way...this is too much. I can't sleep, I can't feel good about my job, I'm miserable, I never see Kristyn, I can't take pride in where I work (something I was finally able to do with Bluff)...*sigh*
-Lord I don't know what you have planned for my life, or where I'm going...but help me trust in you completely and allow me to be a light to the world.
-This is a depressing blog I know, but my last week has been very bad...really bad...but yesterday was excellent! today is awesome (although, VERY hot!) and tommorow is KENTON! and FNDN! Saturday will be softball practice? I can't wait for the season! Championship or bust!
-Lord, please get me out of Eastgate, I'll go wherever you send me...just get me out...please....
-Kevo
p.s....sorry this is really depressing, but I look forward to looking back at this and smiling about how great my life is now...:)
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