27 May 09: things change...

-But tonight they stay the same....

-Sorry, thanks to BBM for that quote.

-So...things are starting to change...they are starting to look up...

-I have an interview on Friday with the GM at the Findlay Bob Evan's on Trenton Ave.  I'm not sure where this will lead me, but I'm excited to work my way up the restaurant ladder.  At least have a job I can be proud of...a job where hopefully the people will be better...and the situations will be better...ANYTHING is better than Lima!

-So...Today is KK and I's 7 month anniversary...and things are,....well, Crazy for sure!  Have you been with someone and then wondered how you were ever happy before they were in your life?  I can't imagine life without her now...I hated Single life very much, and By reading these old blogs, you can see I prayed for Future Wife....well I found her...

-I always wondered how I would know for sure when I found the one.  How would I know?  What if there were things about her that I didn't like, or that weren't perfect...SHould I hold out til I find the perfect girl?  does she exist?

-Answer...YES!  Kristyn complements me in so many ways, ways I never really knew.  We get along so well, we have many of the same likes and dislikes, and we both seem to struggle with the same problems...

-And she's so bright...like really smart!  I just know she's going to do great things in this life and in our lives together.  She's so sweet, caring, and compassionate, it really motivates me to be better.  She's Passionate and loving, and sometimes I'm overwhelmed by her passion and her ability to love no matter what.  I love loving her, I love being with her, I love how she makes me feel.  I love that now I don't have to be afraid to be myself...I've struggled with that for 23 years, and with her, I know I can just be myself and she's going to love me anyway.  She makes me want to be a better person, a better friend, Boyfriend, and If i can be so lucky, husband.  I respect her and her convictions and can only hope to be as strong a person as she is.   I love that she and I can...talk...about everything, and no matter how deep the subject matter, there's no judging.  I love that the second she leaves, I'm going over in my head the next time I'll see her and what I have to do to get to that point...I love that I miss her all the time, I text her all the time, and am so excited to start a life with her!  I know most people my age don't feel this way...but I totally do...I'd do anything for her, I take on all the pain in the world if that meant she could go without. I'd give anything to make her life the best it can be, and with God's help, I hope I can do that.  I love that these words are not just romantic cliches, but really genuine emotions and feelings.  I love you Kristyn Kirchner, and I can't wait til we can be together as one and start life together!  happy 7 months!  :)

21 May 09: What am I doing?

-This blog title works on many levels....

1) Why haven't I blogged in 6 days when I have had the time to?

2) Why do I keep spending when I know I need to put some back?

3)Why can't I ever truly be happy at Eastgate?

4) Why can't I just be patient with the Life God will have for me?

-So many questions...These last few days (last weekend til...yesterday) have been really rough.  Had a crew member get in my face on Saturday and ranted for 20 minutes...(he lost his job of course), then again another crew member tried to give me some flack for trying to enforce a policy that is so stupid, there's no reason NOT to follow it. (microwaving the roastburgers for 7 seconds before serving...seriously??  this is what you want to talk back to me about?) So many days, I hate it there....I hate Lima people (most of them), I hate the way the customers treat me, I hate that the bad customers ruin me for the good customers.  I hate that my subordinates don't just accept what I say to them, they are always backtalking me, questioning me, and overall, just never seem to listen to me.  I hate always being the bad guy.  I hate that it seems like I have no one to joke around there with, no one to talk with, no one to enjoy the day with, no one that cuts me any slack. 

-I've become that guy...you know that guy...the manager at the food place that takes his job way too seriously, the guy who no one likes working with, the guy who seems to always be getting into petty arguments with someone.  I hate myself when I'm there....I hate who I am when I'm there.  I hate that I miss Bluffton a bit.  I hate that I miss it a lot.  I hate that I feel like I may be trapped in this field forever...I hate that every day; I hate...period. I hate that I think my boss is an idiot, I hate that I may be right.  I hate that my boss won't get me out of there despite MANY transfer requests.  I hate everything about that place.  I hate that it makes me shake when I'm there, I hate that my hair is falling out because of that place.  I hate that it seems to always interfere with my life.  I hate that I hate it...I just...hate it.

- that felt really good to write...but what can I do to improve it?  I could leave!  the next job opportunity that's promising, I am...I can't be there anymore...Eastgate did exactly what John said it would do to me.  Break me down, so he could mold me back up...but no way...this is too much.  I can't sleep, I can't feel good about my job, I'm miserable, I never see Kristyn, I can't take pride in where I work (something I was finally able to do with Bluff)...*sigh*

-Lord I don't know what you have planned for my life, or where I'm going...but help me trust in you completely and allow me to be a light to the world.

-This is a depressing blog I know, but my last week has been very bad...really bad...but yesterday was excellent!  today is awesome (although, VERY hot!) and tommorow is KENTON! and FNDN!  Saturday will be softball practice?  I can't wait for the season!  Championship or bust!

-Lord, please get me out of Eastgate, I'll go wherever you send me...just get me out...please....

-Kevo

p.s....sorry this is really depressing, but I look forward to looking back at this and smiling about how great my life is now...:)

16 MAY 09: life...

-So...life...what has it come to for me?  What do I do with my life?  I'm 23, no closer to finding out my career than I was 6 months ago...1 year ago...23 years ago...

- I want to do something great...something that will take care of me and my own, but I don't know what that is yet...

-I wish I didn't doubt myself about everything.  I keep trying to change for everyone instead of being me.  I really think that once people get to know me, they won't like me...i don't know why, but i've always felt that...

-Just kinda depressed tonight...just a bit, not much.  In my pursuits to secure my life, I'm not doing so well..

okay...happier thoughts, summer goals...Here's as many as I can think of:

1)Cedar Point Trip

2) Kings Island Trip

3)Moonlight Picnic

4)Day trip to Pandora

5) camping trip

6) trip to Indiana to Visit Dad

7)Swimming Trip

8)Run a 5k...it doesn't have to be organized

9) bat .600 and above in softball, and win a championship

k...that's all for now...poker time...:)

12 May 09: Rough patches

-Life has been up and down...but it's starting to look up.

-I'm going to finally rid myself of the guilt I've had for almost 10 years...I have to do it to keep the most important thing in my life...Day 1...we're good! :)

-I pray for Kristyn...all of her, every aspect of her life.  I pray that I can be a force of good in her life.  God let me do that...please!

-Work is rough, I seem to work all the time and I feel like i'm making no ground there...Kenton Week is coming up!

-Iight, KK's here, gotta go! :)

07 May 09: Bittersweet

-Today I found out that I can't talk to anyone at work about anything ever without it affecting KK at work.  I hate that I am responsible for making her life harder...I wish I could just shut up and talk to friends and relatives about those matters, not co-workers...maybe because I see them more than my actually family and friends....Solution?...shut up at work Kevo, don't make jokes at other's expenses, don't get upset when you have to do so, just go in, make positive jokes, no sarcastic ones.  I think I hide behind sarcasm because I'm afraid that no one will like the real me...No one else can love the real me until it truly do myself.  I can't say that now, but I'm making progress.

-I rehearsed with Sojourned Steel today...MUCH fun!  I can't wait to gig with them, guess I gotta buy a bass?...and a cabinet?...I'm excited

-I'll prolly be the full-time Choir Director at Emmanuel next year...which excites me that I get to do great work in the church!

-Summer special music in my church is coming up...sign up today!

-I think I'm really tired, so I'm going to head to bed...I need to cash that bonus check tommorow before work, so I best be getting to that...

-Good night world.

5 MAY 09: I do still blog right?

-Sooooo...it's been a while, sometimes I get consumed with Work and such that I forgot to blog...

-My three goals by June 1:
-Expand to 3 students
-Weight to 245-240
-save 1000 dollars.

-I'm not close to these yet, but I want to get as close as I can to these by June 1.

-KK and I are making a summer to-do list...we're both coming up with 20 items and we're going to do it....I love her. I am thankful for so much of our relationship. I love that she's my partner, good and bad, richer and poorer, no matter what, she's there to help. thanks babe!

-k...night time! :)