16 Sep 08

- So I suck at updating...I suck at staying on top of things, and sometimes just suck at getting things done...I think it's because I'm in pandora and I'm never productive in pandora...

-It may be this weekend I am moving!  exciting for sure!

-How can I afford it?  I'm not sure yet, I know more this week

-I may be getting promoted here soon, and I really want to because I need the money and I want the responsibility...I need more permanent in my life...

-I hope Future Wife is doing allright...and I miss her.  I don't like looking at girls because usually I can't get them anyway, plus most are shallow and don't understand what I'm all about

-I can't regress into myself like this...retract that last part of that last statement.

-I am JUST like Dr. House...I don't like to deal with things and put them off as long as I can, I shut down when things become too hard to deal with, I'm scared of being vulnerable.  I make jokes about every aspect of my personality because I'm afraid of being made fun of, and it keeps people at a distance.  I like people at a distance because then I have control over when they know things about me.  I lie to myself about things I shouldn't.  I am scared of commitment because I've not seen a good example of it in my family.  I like being by myself because then I have complete control over the situation.  I need to be in control of situations because I don't trust other people to be in control, My leg hurts almost every day.  I like knowing as much as I can about stuff just so i can be more intelligent than my peers.  I act with reason over emotion, and usually am able to make decisions rationally...and with age, I seem to be digressing further backwards.

-the mac is great!

-iTunes hates me I think

-Am I doing what I need to be doing to teach? I don't know

-I'm really doubting that a Masters of Arts in Teaching is the degree for me...standby on that

-I WANT TO BLOG MORE...why can't I take 5 minutes and do this?  idk

08 Sep 08

-So I need money...really quickly...

-i found out I'm not making assistant's pay right off the bat. I need to be making 25k a year at least! there's no reason I can't be making this. They have one week, or I'm finding something else.

-money equals stress equals early bedtime

-I'm moving on the 27th if I can come up with 800 dollars.

7 Sept 08

-well...last night was awesome, seeing all my old friends, and meeting some new ones...I love Bluff

-I bought my baby...24 inch iMac...I think it'll serve itself well

-I may be in debt all year because of this, however, it is worth it, because I missed being on a mac machine...I missed Leopard...

-I need to call Mike and get a copy of XP

-so I'm 3500 hundred in debt to start the year...and I'm okay with that

-but now I can open Microsoft office documents with no problem

-So who cares about money, because there's no amount of money that can buy this kind of happiness?

friday

-So I haven't updated in almost a week...so much for blogging every day

-I need to get on school work, but man is it tough to do so

-I'm in Indiana, and I can't wait for Ohio tommorow

-Driving 1024 miles in one day sucks...any way you do it, still sucks

-so this weekend will be really crazy for me, seeing all my friends and family again...but man, too many things to juggle

-If I said we should do something this weekend and we don't get the time to, I'm really sorry, but I'm back for good now (at least for a while), so I'll make time for you when I can. Because you really mean a lot to me

-Sometimes I wish Future wife would come and take me away from this...life...I feel as though I am living on borrowed space...I don't have a place of my own, I don't have my career yet, I feel like I'm just trying to kill time until I'm 25 and start teaching

-I was linked to a job offer in Pasadena...50k a year...do they know that I'm not licensed yet?

-I want to be licensed to teach..and start teaching...today

-Is Liberty right for me? Is getting a MAT going to make me marketable as a music educator? I guess I try the grad school all over again...maybe BGSU? maybe Toledo? I guess it's time to start school applications all over again...

-blogging, schoolwork, and my reviews

-The above are three things that get overlooked by me all the time...

-Future wife, can you promise me that you'll create no drama and that we'll never get divorced? thanks!

-I am going to start talking to Future wife by that name until i can replace that with another name.

weekend adventures

-So i surely didn't update the last couple of days...or at least yesterday, but the day before was long enough that it should suffice

-So Hurricane Gustav apparently missed the memo on how these last couple of days in TX were supposed to go. Monday was packing and car maintenance day, Tuesday was packing, promoting Scott and partying with him, cashing my pay check, cancelling my bank account and rolling out, then leaving Wednesday morning

-Due To Gustav, there are more variables. Scott's on two hour recall now, which means if they need him, he'll be rolling out to Louisana to help out. And he could leave at any time now, but most likely it'll be tommorow evening maybe, or Tuesday. SHOULD HE ROLL OUT, then my leaving time moves from Wednesday morning, to Tuesday afternoon, and making it a two-day trip home. This would also mean I would take a more northern route to miss the storm, because I really don't want to drive in rain coming home...

-I am still scheduled to arrive in Pandora on Friday

-This week, i didn't do so well on my homework assignments for school...nothing I can't overcome, but I need to do better than that...and so I shall

-we played Terra Vista and Clear Creek one last time before I leave...they are nice courses and I hope to see them again in the future

-I honestly will miss TX, and that's crazy to think that in 4 months you can develop such a love for a place that at the same time, doesn't feel like home

-Maybe I'll come back to TX one day, most likely after I've got a girl to move with me and a degree

-Is a MAT degree really the right path for my Master's? i don't know really...and I don't think it is, but I'm scared to talk to someone and have them tell me that it isn't

-one of these days, I'll get into shape...or at least start to...I promise

-today I almost went the whole day without thinking about you know who...(see previous blog)

-but I failed miserably when I see couples in public where the guy is a jerk and treats the girl poorly, yet because he's good looking, she stays, blah blah blah you know how this story goes

-now I'm thinking about that...so I need to go and relax before it really makes me upset.

quick update

-I noticed I mentioned in an earlier blog that if the REdeem team took gold, I would say that you don't need a dominant inside presence to win basketball games...

-You don't need an inside presence to win basketball games...just have the 5 greatest athletes of our time on your team in the starting lineup...that's how you win...

sorry this is a few days late, but I wanted to stay true to my word

Friday 30 Aug 08

-So we played golf today, and for about nine holes, I played well...even had a birdie and some nice pars, but imploded after a few holes...I need to find a way to stay interested and energized throughout the round the whole time

-I always believed that love would find me...that looking for my true love would be pointless because when God wants me to be in that relationship, He'll make it happen...after 22 years of that thought...I'm starting to lose grip of that belief. I hope that working at the church will center my focus and give me more resolve to wait for her

-Tommorow we're playing at a country Club In Austin...should be sweet...I'll be taking lots of piuctures like a tourist

-Will I ever truly figure out golf? I hope so...at least where I can become a 10 handicap...that's all I want...I need to practice my chips for real and get the feel for what I'm doing...when I own a house, I'm puting in a putting green so I can practice. So Future Wife, you know what to expect

-I pray for my future wife, I hope she's doing fine and I wish she's come find me...that'd be nice

-I wonder who she is...Mrs. Future wife...what's she doing now? does she know I'm thinking about her? Does she know that I'm making decisions now that will affect her when i don't even know her yet (or do I?) every day I wake up feeling like I'm going to meet her...how long do I have to wait? I already know she's worth waiting for, and I'll wait til whenever she comes along

-The last comment reminds me of Rebecca St. james, which reminds me of high school, which saddens me

-So many better decisions could have been made if I just could have allowed myself to make them

-Even today I can make decisions to impact my future...so why don't I?

-I really can't stop thinking about her...and I don't even know who I'm thinking about!

-I am afraid to talk to any girl I met for the first time because I'm afraid she'll see that I'm trying to see if we have a future together, not trying to see if I can 'hit it and quit it'...that would shock almost all women that I actually want to get to know them and care for them as opposed to find new and interesting ways to get them into my pants

-I'm going to miss the girls I work with in Texas

-All that it takes for me to look better in the eyes of a girl is to lower the standards of the guys around me...thanks TX

-Women confuse and frustrate me sometimes...like all the girls who say that Michael Phelps is OMG SO HOT! it's like...no, you only like him for the success and the gold medals...he doesn't talk very well, he has a lanky disproportioned body, and frankly, all his interviews were really boring, yes he's cut but he wouldn't have any time for you anyway since he trains 5 hours a day.

-I'm probably just bitter because I have a lot to offer but it never seems to get me very far with the ladies

-I joke about it all the time, but I am holding out the hope that my future wife will appreciate my humor and my willingness to put her first, and I hope I don't become too calisis before that time to treat her how she deserves

-Are you, the reader, my future wife? if so...let's talk...

-At the core, I don't think MOST woman want a guy who wants to love and care for them and put them first, and I don't know why that is...maybe because they are afraid they are not good enough to deserve that...I don't know

-I'm really harping on this future love thing tonight aren't I?

-Ladies, if you want a good guy, look who's around you...if you're telling your friends that you can't find a good guy and/or have a guy that you vent to all the time, he's the one you should be with.

-I would trade everything I have to have the story they wrote for Jim and Pam, and I'm a loser for saying that